Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
