Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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