I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
