Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
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