I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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