eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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