For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
