She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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