I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
