when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
