That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
