I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
