Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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