Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
