Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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