OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize
