I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
