I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
