he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
