I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
