wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
