If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
