I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
