I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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