question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
