if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
