The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
