Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
