it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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