You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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