How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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