beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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