bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
