If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
