he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
