turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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