She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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