she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Randomize
