wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
