Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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