my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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