Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i out mim tonsoeep
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
