Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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