sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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