I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
