He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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