I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
