dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
