I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Send help, water and tortillas.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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