Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
