The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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