i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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