I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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